i cannot forgive myself for the folly

i cannot forgive myself for the folly
Tuesday, Nov. 30, 2004, 10:57 a.m.

no mood to talk abt grad.

i have never been able to forgive myself for the biggest mistake i've made in my whole life. Realising the consequences myself and having someone telling me abt the consequences is a very different feeling. when i realised it myself, i freaked out. but having pple to tell me abt it had my stomach being twisted into knots. I cannot forgive myself.

i never realised how much respect some plpe had for me. i unknowingly "abused" the respect. i never wanted to cause so much trouble or under current. i have not much idea tt it will stir up emotions from so mnay pple. Knowing tt, i cannot forgive myself even more.

it will always remain as a raw nerve till the day i am able to let it go and forgive myself. but for the past 6mths, i am not able to do so.

i hurt not only pple around me, pple who respect and trusted me. but in the end, i hurt myself too.

knowing tt i caused a drift btwn 2parties just cos of sth i said. the grudge, distrust and reservations caused by me and only me. knowing tt i cannot forgive myself.

i cannot blame anyone else but the person who first stir up all this problems. me. for that i cannot forgive myself.